“I have fulfilled my parent’s expectations… So, now what?” This is the thought we are left with once we have finally fulfilled our responsibilities as Asian American children. Perhaps it’s time to learn self-identity. Exploring self-identity enhances one’s true values and beliefs. As new adventures bring humbling experiences, the reality check becomes eye-opening. Different life stages bring open-mindedness. Materialistic fulfillment and social status may not always bring closure and happiness. Personal development is the first step to change.

As the oldest child in an Asian immigrant family, discipline and work ethic is mandatory. Patience was more or less only an option. Everything had a rushed time-line. Money and time were matters not to be taken lightly.

As a 1st generation college student, income, job type, and education became critical.

There are jokes in the job market nowadays that applicants must have work experience before their entry role. Ironically, I had the opportunity when I was 14 years old. With two parents new to America, I was expected to be an English, law, property management, and legal documentation expert to help run the family business. On top of that, learning to become the 3rd parent for my siblings (age gap of 10 years) felt like a promotion to a job title and prestige, with no additional benefits.

With great power truly comes great responsibility. Family drama mixed with the traditional respect for the chain of patriarchy is the perfect training for corporate politics. 

I am not boasting about my hardships as a kid. Rather, the prospect of having breathing room and freedom when going to college had me feeling exhilarated.

Finally, I could have my own perspectives on life and develop a more open mind to try new things.

But with the great Asian expectations, it was cut short. I had a deadline: four years to study and secure a high-income and stable job, mandatory upon graduation. Then financially provide back to the family. 

Cycle complete.

My parents’ expectation of providing for a successful heir in America was complete.

So, now what? 

Graduated from university in business and now we work in the industry. All of a sudden, I am an adult, and I have to navigate this journey called life. 

For context, my parents were physically there but mentally absent. They provided for the family, but we had great expectations to serve. I was pushed to become an adult earlier on. Now, I feel like a child again, exploring different aspects of life I didn’t earlier. The one big topic that kept coming back was self-identity.

ADOBE/FIREFLY

Human psychology and behavioral science have always fascinated me. Reading has recently been a therapeutic de-stressor. I allocate time for a few chapters to read on human psychology and personally develop.

Soon, Barnes and Noble became a nice date idea. There’s something about physical book copies that feel meaningful and special over digital versions. I came across this book, “Ikigai” (a Japanese concept that combines the words “iki” and “gai” to mean “a reason to live”). The book helped me reflect and reconnect back to another Chinese book covering society’s definition of success for our current generation.

Here are some questions to ask when having a mental reality check:

Have we been chasing the type of success portrayed by our society? 

What do we want to become and where are we going to end up? 

What makes us happy and fulfilled?

I have asked myself multiple times, what would bring me happiness. Buying a new car? Buying a house? The next Chanel purse? Is it even about the money and power?

That sounds more like a standard format of “success” portrayed by society. Don’t get me wrong, money gives you freedom and a sense of security, which leads to happiness. In the modern day, money is key to survival.

So is your health.

Money is limited by one’s ability to produce for the economy. If you get sick, your potential output is now hindered. Your performance review is on the line. Many don’t take sick days and end up mentally drained till breaking point.

Mental health – overlooked but the most important factor to function. Your emotions help balance your physical health and mental stability every day.

Being a fan of the Studio Ghibli animation films, here is a memorable quote: “We are used to understanding happiness as “having.”

Let’s look at this quote. Real happiness should be “having nothing.” No worries, no illnesses, no disasters. Think about it. One finds peace by being stress-free mentally, physically, and spiritually. Have no lingering thoughts burdening the mind. Not being tied down by the stress of obligations; nor complacent in an environment that does not encourage growth and change. Inner liberation and self-awareness allow individuals to live with their true purpose, values, and beliefs.

Having materialistic goods is something for others to see. Reaching Maslow’s hierarchy of self-actualization means understanding who I truly am and what impact have I had on our generation to feel a little bit more fulfilled. That is the true definition of finding inner peace.

Everyone is at different stages in life and battling at different times. I found closure on this path and now am ready to jump on to my next chapter in life.

 

Co-Author:

Kevin Tran is a Marketing and Financial Consultant in San Jose, Calif.